Moving from pity to self-love

by Nicola Moberg

I want to tell you a story about a little girl. A girl which was separated from her mother at two years and put into the well cared home of her grandmother.

Part of her childhood she was living with her aunt and happy to have two cousins which were like brothers and sisters to her. Everyone in the extended family loved this little girl, everyone took care of her and some even felt sorry for her. It was well meant to be compassionate, to feel sorry. But feeling sorry is like feeling pity in some ways. If a child is felt sorry for, there must be something wrong which leads the child to believe that she is less worthy, she must think that if they feel sorry for her, she must be feeling sorry for herself.

This girl happens to be me, a grown up women still peeling layers off, of her childhood. I have everything I could dream for in my life, a loving husband and beautiful kids, a cosy home and a well running business, besides that I’m living my purpose and teach people how to find their own true selves with yoga. 

Here I am, recognising in a moment of vulnerability that I am still feeling sorry for myself, not always but when things are not going smoothly.

I just went through a stressful time, and I know stress and me don’t work well together. I have a really hard time dealing with it, so what do I do? I usually make stress get out of my way. But sometimes you can’t prevent being too busy. When this happens I feel terribly sorry for myself, sorry that I wasn’t able to manage the situation better, that I couldn’t do less but be more effective at the same time. After all I’m a yoga teacher and I should live what I teach. What else was happening? I saw what I tell myself is what I have subconsciously told myself all my life. Every time I feel sorry for myself I figure I don’t feel worthy, I don’t feel enough or good enough.

Can you relate to this story? Maybe there is something you were told or told yourself in your life which made you feel less worthy? It can be something very small, I doesn’t have to be dramatic, or something big happened?

That is why we need a new mantra or better affirmation. We need to tell ourselves with sincerity…


Years back when I got a beautiful present from a friend which symbolised self-love I was wondering what self-love means. I didn’t see at the time that it was what I needed the most. Becoming aware of the child which feels sorry for herself and heal by giving her the love she deserves is one of the things I am working with. I know that there is this true unconditional love in me. And when times are stressful? Maybe, getting out of the way of difficult situations is not always the solution as this was the only place from where I could’ve had this realisation.

So there are two things to conclude:

Do not pity yourself or anyone else, ever. Do not try to avoid difficulties.

Do love yourself truly. Do trust that a difficult situation is always an opportunity to grow.

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